I recently cut ties from some friends who I had a complicated relationship with. For the longest time, I put up with certain things that I shouldn't have because I was afraid to miss out on things and afraid of what life would look like without these people who had been my "friends" for so long. I feel better not having to worry about those people anymore, but I did spend a significant amount of time with them, and I feel like I'm missing something.
Has anyone out there been through something similar? What was your experience like? How did you go about finding a new group of friends?
For most of my life, I wasn't someone who had a large circle of girlfriends. But, when I turned 40, I met a woman who had moved to Arizona from back east because she wanted to start a new life for herself. I was from back East so we had a lot in common to begin with (similar backgrounds, etc) She went out of her way to become my friend, and we became the best of friends for about 12 years. We were both single for most of that time and we did everything together, vacations, you name it. We talked on the phone everyday and we were always there for each other during stressful times, bad breakups, etc.
Then she met a guy who, I think, felt threatened by me. He convinced her that I wasn't as good a friend to her as she was to me (maybe he was right). Anyway, she ended the friendship. I was devastated. This woman knew more about me than any other living human being. It was a lot like ending a romantic relationship, as far as the way it felt emotionally. I've never replaced her but then I've never really tried. I have girlfriends, but none of them comes close to the special bond I had with my previous friend. To this day, I can't think about it without getting really sad. I guess I don't understand how someone can just walk away from such a major part of their life and not look back. Maybe I had more culpability than I'm choosing to remember. In any case, it hurts, and it's hard to imagine ever having such a close friend again.