I think we all want less toxicity in our lives. How we deal with people who carry that toxicity depends on the nature of the relationship.
Simply put, the more valuable the person, the more time we may sacrifice in "dealing" with this person. For example, lets say I am at the bank and the teller is being a total jerk to me. Do I care? Not really. I say "ok have a nice day" and be on my way. I don't even really bother.
Lets go to the other end of the spectrum. Let's say that my mom has some toxic behavior. I deal with that in a completely different way. First step is 1. Communicate a boundary of respect "Hey mom, when you do _____ I really don't like that. I find it disrespectful. Can you please stop?" Sometimes this is all it takes. Perhaps the offender is embarrassed they didn't even know. However, it is not always like this with developed relationships. Perhaps the person pushes back, or refuses to respect that boundary. 2. Communicate again, but fire a warning shot. "Hey, mom, remember that conversation we had about ______? I still find it disrespectful, and I noticed you haven't stopped. I respect myself, and I choose to surround myself with people who will respect me. If you do not stop this behavior, I will have to limit the amount/style of contact we have."
Most people who want to have relationship with you will stop or try to stop at this point (UNLESS, you have been making threats all along and never follow through with them). 3. If disrespect continues, build that boundary.
THIS is the hard part where guilt and fear step in. People are scared to put up a boundary with people they love. But in reality, it preserves the health of the relationship. Note that building a boundary doesn't necessarily mean "you're out of my life forever", it may mean mom can't come to dinner anymore, or perhaps she isn't allowed to bring alcohol over to the house anymore. Sadly sometimes it DOES mean a severance of relationship.
I love this topic because it is so important to people's emotional health. I know this first hand because I grew up in an environment with little to no healthy boundaries. This is seriously still hard for me when I have to confront people like my fam about behavior, I always feel terrified when confronting behavior I am not okay with, but im getting there ! I am excited to hear people having discussions about it because it means more happy powerful people.
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