I keep seeking the assistance of Self-Help and Motivational books/videos/lectures/etc. I can't seem to find motivation from them. I start them with an open mind, but as I continue I just find the same things. I'll pick up a motivation book in a store and read through the first few pages, and I just cannot connect with the text. I'll try spoken advice from things like YouTube videos. It's just all the same trite, cliche, unoriginal, worn-out, unfeeling words. Like they aren't made for me. I cannot connect with the advice at all. I suspect that I am my own problem. I read comments and reviews where other have received help and encouragement, but I have not seen anything of benefit. I'm sure I'm doing something wrong.
How to Get Help from Motivational Materials
- Thread starter JessicaW
- Start date
Do you think you are gravitating towards the same kind of materials all the time, and maybe that's why it doesn't work? What if you tried something way outside the box, something that almost makes you uncomfortable at first?
Not knowing what kind of motivation you are looking for it's tough to suggest anything specific, but I feel like if it all sounds the same, then maybe it is the same!
Not knowing what kind of motivation you are looking for it's tough to suggest anything specific, but I feel like if it all sounds the same, then maybe it is the same!
chocory
New member
First of all, this is definitely not true! Self-help books don't work for everyone, and it's not your problem at all. I struggle with depression and anxiety myself, and I've never used these motivational materials. The first time I went to see a therapist, I hated it. It just felt like she was being really patronising and impersonal, so I never went back. And that wasn't the only case; I had to go through a few different therapists before I found one that I felt I could really connect to. It's normal to not find what you're looking for right off the bat, because people are so different, and we don't all relate to one another in the same ways. Even trained professionals like those therapists I visited weren't able to make me feel comfortable when we met in person—what more these lectures and talks produced for mass consumption? I'm not disparaging self-help material, they do work for some.. but not me, and evidently not you as well.
It could also be, of course, that you just haven't found a particular author or speaker whom you can relate to. But I'm thinking that for you, maybe theory just isn't the way to go. When the worst of my depression hit me a few years ago, what really helped me was my friends and their patience with me even when they didn't understand. One friend in particular was going through the same thing, so he was the only one I felt could understand me, and the one who helped me the most. Because we understood each other, we didn't feel that need that others often do to awkwardly offer solutions or advice. We simply took comfort from knowing that we were not alone, and that someone else felt the same way. And when we needed company, no questions asked, we had it without having to make excuses or apologise for being "bad company". Do your friends and family know what you're dealing with?
Thank you so much for your response. It's a relief to know that the problem isn't necessarily me. I guess I was under the impression that if it had "label" that it should help, then it should work.
My immediate family knows and my mother is the most understanding, supportive and patient. She's the "buddy" I talk to when I need it, because she's the one I'm most comfortable just being me in any moment. My friends are at least patient with me, but they don't really know.
chocory
New member
No worries, everyone is different, and it's really important to know that it's not you. How are you doing nowadays? Have you tried going to a therapist as well? It didn't work for me, but maybe seeing one in person might help you.
It's great you have your mother, but I feel like it might also help if you're able to be comfortable around your friends as well. People are a lot more understanding than you'd expect, I think. Even if they can't necessarily relate, as people who love you, they'll definitely try to understand. (But then again, I might also be projecting from my own experience, because my immediate family was never as understanding about my depression as my friends were. Whatever works for you, works for you!)
I can understand this. For the longest time I was afraid of telling my friends and family because I didn't want them to look at me differently. But because my friends didn't know, they were offended when I would back out on plans or take a long time to respond to their texts, and it made my relationships with them really strained. I can't speak for your friends, but I've since realised that being open about it is generally easier on everyone. I no longer feel the same pressure to pretend I'm okay all the time, if that makes sense.
It's great you have your mother, but I feel like it might also help if you're able to be comfortable around your friends as well. People are a lot more understanding than you'd expect, I think. Even if they can't necessarily relate, as people who love you, they'll definitely try to understand. (But then again, I might also be projecting from my own experience, because my immediate family was never as understanding about my depression as my friends were. Whatever works for you, works for you!)
I still have occasional days when things are a struggle and thinking seems like I'm operating through peanut butter. I do plan to see a therapist when I can budget for it.
I'm in a very different place in life than all of my friends to the point that we can't really relate anymore outside of reminiscing about "the old days". I feel like I'd be a burden on them when they have their families and other married friends to occupy their time.