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Dealing with loneliness

chocory

New member
There's an oft-repeated line about the difference between 'alone' and 'lonely'. The former simply indicates a state of being in which one is alone (and there's an added emphasis on one's personal choice to be so). The latter, however, refers to a state of feeling and not a fact of being. For me, I find that occupying myself with work or hobbies is the best way to curb those feelings, but I sometimes worry that I'm just giving in to escapism. How do you guys personally cope with feelings of loneliness?

I've also been thinking lately about how loneliness comes up in the first place. It seems to be one of those universal feelings that everyone is familiar with, that is inherently human, but some have raised the idea that it's just a social construct and we are conditioned to have such feelings because of our social environment. I'd also be interested to know what people think of this 'loneliness as a social construct' concept.
 

Beth96

New member
Loneliness is definitely a real feeling. Of course, most ideas can be deconstructed and labelled as "social constructs," but if something, like loneliness, is truly affecting you, you might want to consider it as a real feeling.

Loneliness can be really hard. I've, of course, experienced it myself. Dealing with it really depends on the individual person. If keeping yourself busy makes you feel better, I don't see that as escapism, especially because you are acknowledging these feelings to begin with. Personally, I force myself to go out to new events, like poetry readings or open mics, where I can meet new people, or I try to make plans with my friends.

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. Hope this helped!
 

annelill

New member
I’ve definitely experienced loniless during a time when I didn’t even realize that is what I was feeling. I think sometimes it comes as a slow ache that you can’t always identify right away. For me, it was when I realized what I was feeling that I began to be able to move myself in a more positive direction. Once you know you’re lonely you can try to reach out to loved ones. Something I’ve definitely learned over the years is that it’s ok to ask for support and companionship from those around you. If you surround yourself with good hearts they will always want to do what they can to help.
 

Nick Torn

New member
I felt myself lonely many times and I really think it's hard to cope with it. Anyway, there are good things too. For example, I have learned really many things like programming and others skills. If you feel lonely then you just need to find what to do. I think the biggest problem can be if you go somewhere and feel badly in crowded places. For me was hardest for being in shops or supermarkets, because I feel myself insecurely in such places. I think the best way - change your life a little and find more friends with which you can go somewhere or sit at home and do what you want. It's quite interesting because you can learn faster and develop yourself in the social area too.
 

ALGrace656

New member
I worked through a couple hard years with loneliness and found that sometimes a little escapism is necessary. Self-reflection was my savior, I think. As well as the devil-may-care attitude towards approaching new people and situations. I was able to take the time alone to really evaluate myself, things I liked and didn't like. I read constantly. Anything from fantasy to self-help to give me ideas, though-provoking brainstorms, a new moral to love or a personality trait to identify and get rid of. Its hard and a lot of it hurts to do, but I really do think taking that time to improve on who you are makes you better. Loneliness won't last. Nothing ever does. So I try to cherish the good moments and learn from the bad.
 

A_Albe

New member
I think your self-awareness is key here. Just being aware that you are engaging in these activities as escapism from loneliness is a huge step. I agree that some escapism can be healthy as long as it is not detracting for your ability to life your life. If those hobbies help you feel fulfilled, that's wonderful!

Since I live on my own, I've had to make establishing a strong social network a priority so I don't often feel lonely. However, sometimes I can feel as if I shouldn't reach out to others in certain situations where I do start to feel lonely. In those moments loneliness becomes an obstacle to its own solution.
 

chocory

New member
I worked through a couple hard years with loneliness and found that sometimes a little escapism is necessary. Self-reflection was my savior, I think. As well as the devil-may-care attitude towards approaching new people and situations. I was able to take the time alone to really evaluate myself, things I liked and didn't like. I read constantly. Anything from fantasy to self-help to give me ideas, though-provoking brainstorms, a new moral to love or a personality trait to identify and get rid of. Its hard and a lot of it hurts to do, but I really do think taking that time to improve on who you are makes you better. Loneliness won't last. Nothing ever does. So I try to cherish the good moments and learn from the bad.
Wow, I really relate to this. One or two months back I went through a bit of a rough patch emotionally, and though I didn't consciously make an effort to, I ended up spending a lot of time thinking—about my feelings, why I feel the way I do, how I relate to others and vice versa. And understanding why certain things and people trigger those negative emotions in myself basically just negated them. I'm not sure if this makes sense, because it's difficult to explain without going into specifics.. but I do think yours is a great take on life :giggle:
 

ALGrace656

New member
Wow, I really relate to this. One or two months back I went through a bit of a rough patch emotionally, and though I didn't consciously make an effort to, I ended up spending a lot of time thinking—about my feelings, why I feel the way I do, how I relate to others and vice versa. And understanding why certain things and people trigger those negative emotions in myself basically just negated them. I'm not sure if this makes sense, because it's difficult to explain without going into specifics.. but I do think yours is a great take on life :giggle:
Thank you! I totally understand. Its always great to hear from someone who understands. I'm sorry you had to go through a rough patch, but I'm so glad you were able to learn more about yourself from it!
 

Termar30

New member
In today's world, it seems that everyone needs to be connected in one way or another. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, texting, FaceTime etc. have become the main way people communicate. If you don't receive a text back almost immediately you may have the feeling that the receiving party doesn't care or is no longer a friend. How many times I've seen my daughter repeatedly text the same person with the same question because she had not received a reply in what she thought was the accepted time frame. With this in mind then the evil creeps in that you are alone, and no one wants to be your friend. With the instant gratification of the electronic world, this has become a normal way of thinking. It used to be that being alone was a good way to do things that otherwise you wouldn't be able to complete. I used to work on quilts for hours and even days with no interruption of a text. Now if I'm gone and out of the house for 30 minutes I have kids and my husband contacting me to find out where I am and when I'll be home and what I'm doing. Unhooking and letting your mind wander is sometimes the best medicine. Avoiding the thought that you are lonely I know can be difficult but try to do something different and enjoy your own "me" time.
 
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ALGrace656

New member
In today's world it seems that everyone needs to be connected in one way or another. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, texting, FaceTime etc. have become the main way people communicate. If you don't receive a text back almost immediately you may have the feeling that the receiving party doesn't care or is no longer a friend. How many times I've seen my daughter repeatedly text the same person with the same question because she had not received a reply in what she thought was the accepted time frame. With this in mind then the evil creeps in that you are alone and no one wants to be your friend. With the instant gratification of the electronic world this has become a normal way of thinking. It used to be that being alone was a good way to do things that otherwise you wouldn't be able to complete. I use to work on quilts for hours and even days with no interruption of a text. Now if I'm gone and out of the house for 30 minutes I have kids and my husband contacting me to find out where I am and when I'll be home and what I'm doing. Unhooking and letting your mind wander is sometimes the best medicine. Avoiding the thought that you are lonely I know can be difficult but try do something different and enjoy your own "me" time.
I actually disagree a little bit. Sure technology has trained the majority of us to expect instant gratification, but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to bring people closer. I can understand how a constant barrage of messages can be overwhelming, but I don't think the problem lies directly with tech. The person on the other end has put too much importance or weight not only on their device, but on the people on the other end of it. The doubt that creeps in after waiting for a response is a learned thing, especially among the newer generation. I believe cultivating self-confidence and a strong sense of independence is an easy fix, but of course this is far easier said than done.
 

JBee

New member
I believe people feel lonely most when there is no one around who understands how they are feeling. When you are going through something and the emotions are getting the best of you, sometimes you just want to lay it all on someone as a way of release, but at the same time you want them to feed you something that could help you get through it. When there is no one physically around to cast those cares on that could bring about loneliness, but it also happens when one is surrounded by people that love them yet no one understands or cares to understand that person's struggles. We see celebrities that "have everything" commit suicide and wonder why. I would guess the feeling of loneliness are one of the reasons.
 

OlgaC

Member
I felt really lonely when I was a teenager and lived with my family. In a house full of people, I was alone. I tried to go out with friends, I was occupied with school and work but deep inside I was lonely.
After I moved away, started school in another city, everything started changing for me. I could spend a day alone at home, but I didn't feel lonely.
I finally forgot what loneliness was when I met my future husband. I agree with JBee. When you are surrounded by people who love you, understand and listen to you then you don't feel lonely.
 

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