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Coping with Social Anxiety (Parties are Painful)

Sam_C

New member
I am married to a very social man who likes to go out and enjoy the company of others. I want to join him, but my anxiety gets in the way. I have a hard time in group settings – large and small. I clam up and want to leave. My husband doesn’t understand it. He tells me that I'm funny, smart and charming. Maybe so – around him. But, plunk me in the middle of a party and I might as well have tape over my mouth. The worst part is, people walk away probably thinking that I’m aloof, when really, I’m just painfully shy. For everyone who suffers from social anxiety, how do you cope with group situations?
 

NewMama

New member
Medication. For years, I thought my anxiety was just me being silly, and I was sort of ashamed of it, so I either completely avoided group situations or I forced myself into them. When I started teaching, the anxiety manifested in a different way, but it made it difficult to do my job well. My doctor prescribed me a low dose of a medication to take daily, and after my body adjusted, it was life changing. I know that answer isn't right for everyone and there are several effective ways to cope with anxiety, but I lived for 30 years thinking medication wasn't for me, and it absolutely made my life so much better.
 

Ssandra

Member
I like to see being social as a muscle. If you don't use it you lose it, but you also don't try to lift 100kg on your first try.

Maybe start with smaller settings, like a dinner with just a friend couple. Something that has a set beginning and end time, so you know in advance when it is over. Make sure to agree with your husband that you do not linger after desert, but have to get home (fake a headache if you have to).

Make sure to take a few days after that to rest up again.

Do that a few times until you are more and more comfortable with that. Then up the weight a bit. Maybe with a couple who is new, or two couples. or host game night.

I personally find events where I have something to do much easier. For example a game night, where I can always offer more snacks or drinks to people when I feel like I need a moment alone.

Also, let your husband go out alone. Not always, but tell him that if it is important to him you'll join, but the ones that are just for fun you will just sit out.
 

ltk20

New member
I also deal with social anxiety. I do take medication, but I've slowly learned how to handle bigger groups. Mostly it involves going with a friend to meet a very small group of people. I tend to do better in smaller groups. Once I get to know people in a small, relaxed atmosphere, I can start handling graduating to bigger groups. It all boils down to having a lifeline (someone you know relatively well) or two when you're in a larger setting. Maybe ask your husband if you can get together for a quiet dinner with just two or three other people? That might be less intimidating to start out with.
 

Paty100

New member
Mine is around extended family members, I will say I don't know how to socialize with them. My parents even say that I am shy. But as I grew older, I started to mingle more, among people am not even familiar with.

The major key is to meet with similar people you can talk these situations with.
And have people that share similar interests with you. If you are conversing with people on your similar interests, you will flow naturally like you are in your natural habitat.
 

mhess

New member
My own husband is in your very same situation, and I feel guilty for trying to pressure him to open up more in social situations. If it genuinely causes you distress, by all means speak to a therapist or doctor about medication or alternative methods to cope! If, however, you're merely feeling pressured to act different for the sake of socializing, there's no need to bend over backwards to accommodate. Ultimately you need to do what makes you most comfortable! Sometimes that means staying home and telling hubby, "Have fun!" Other times it may mean picking out one or two people you're comfortable chatting with at an event and hovering around the perimeter with them. It's all about being true to what you need.
 

Delia B

New member
I also have social anxiety, and I also take medication for it. However when in these types of situations, I usually try and find someone I know, or someone I am comfortable with and hang out/around them.
 

Uncle Dil

New member
I am married to a very social man who likes to go out and enjoy the company of others. I want to join him, but my anxiety gets in the way. I have a hard time in group settings – large and small. I clam up and want to leave. My husband doesn’t understand it. He tells me that I'm funny, smart and charming. Maybe so – around him. But, plunk me in the middle of a party and I might as well have tape over my mouth. The worst part is, people walk away probably thinking that I’m aloof, when really, I’m just painfully shy. For everyone who suffers from social anxiety, how do you cope with group situations?
I would treat it the same as you treat other things you have problems with in life. You know you have to work on something and practice it to get better, and going out and being social is no different. If you continually surround yourself with people, you will hopefully start to feel more comfortable. I recognize how challenging this is, and I do believe that some people are born to truly be introverts--there is nothing wrong with this. I am an introvert myself, but I also recognize the importance of being around people and being able to hold a strong conversation.
 

settinggoals321

New member
I agree with Ssandra and Uncle Dil; it takes practice. Being in consistent social settings can make things easier, as you gradually start to get used to it, if those social situations are not already incredibly stressful. In more comfortable settings, it is easier to practice being less shy. But do not feel pressured into becoming a social butterfly. You don't have to be immensely extroverted in order for people to find you social. And a lot introverts still need some time to themselves in order to feel relaxed, so there is no shame in occasionally needing to step out of a situation to "take a breath," so to speak. But going into social situations that are kind of comfortable but still slightly push you out of your comfort zone are a good way to practice.
 

Daedalus

New member
My wife has social anxiety. She's being medicated indirectly for it with Paxil, which she primarily got for post-partem depression.

Prior to that, the medication that seemed most effective was AC/DC, a form of extra-mild sativa marijuana that practically acted as a cure. Produced virtually no high, but put an edge to everything that made things easier to manage.
 

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